i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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