HIV tests are more positive than that guy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
