I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
