Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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