i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
