My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
