Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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