Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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