So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
