Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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