I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
