i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
