Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
