if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Where is the hickey?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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