Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
