I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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