Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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