Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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