My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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