I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
