We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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