I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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