I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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