Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
