where am i from again
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
