at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i need some magic done to my vagina
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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