but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
