Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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