I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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