I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
