My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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