Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
