I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
