His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
