he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
