Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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