i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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