In the future we'll all be gay
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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