Are we in a gay sports bar?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
