If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
