I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
please come you make the beer taste better
worst night to have a conscience
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
