it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
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So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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