I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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