Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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