Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
