Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
