I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
