Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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