i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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