So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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