Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
