What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Randomize
