Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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