It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
