I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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