I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
