those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
