porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
