remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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