how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
