There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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