why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
