Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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