just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
