Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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