I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He? As in you personified your dick?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
