So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
