Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
