I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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