Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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