we need to drink 2009 down the drain
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
