I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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